Sorry, I meant to post this a while ago but have been busy.
A couple weeks ago at church we talked about forgiveness. I haven't had time to post this yet but I think that it happened that way for a reason.
A couple weekends ago was family weekend. It is my fifth year here and I've never had my family here for family weekend because I either always forgot to invite them completely or until the last minute. Well every year during this weekend our church has a parent's brunch, which I filled out the invitation cards with my family's addresses. I think I did last year too but they didn't realize what they were, so I made sure to ask them as well. My dad and stepmom were coming up on Saturday night to go with me on Sunday and my mom and little sister were driving up Sunday morning to go to the brunch. I was so excited that they were actually coming.
They didn't come. None of them. My stepmom ended up having to work and my mom was dealing with some other things and couldn't come. I told them all I understood and that it was fine but in all honesty I was upset. They still don't know that I was upset. I felt like they could've tried harder and I was actually a bit mad at them.
When I planned on writing this post I was going to go in a completely different direction. I didn't have an example, in fact when the pastor told us to think of someone we needed to forgive, I couldn't think of anyone. Then all this happened. At the beginning of the sermon during family weekend the pastor talked briefly about what was talked about that previous week. I then realized I was doing the exact opposite of what we had discussed. I was so upset with myself when I realized how selfish I was being, even if my parents didn't know anything about all this.
I will be writing another post about forgiveness but I wanted to get this one out there since it's been a while since I wrote it.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Random Acts of Kindness
Luke 6:35 --- "But love ye your enemies,
and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall
be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for He is kind
unto the unthankful and to the evil."
I'm going to be honest, I haven't read the Bible. I plan on doing so but haven't yet. However, I wanted to write this blog entry and came across this verse. I absolutely love it. I'm sure I have heard it in church at some point but didn't remember it. I love random acts of kindness. I love being able to do them as well as being able to see them or hear about them. They make me so happy.
Yesterday, I was at Wal-Mart, waiting for the bus to go back to campus. There was a guy standing outside the doors with this little podium thing. He was either selling something or trying to get people to sign up for something, I'm not sure because he didn't say anything to me when I went by him. As I sat there waiting for the bus I could hear him asking people if they'd like whatever it was and almost everyone turned him down. Many people would either completely ignore him or were rude about saying no. It didn't matter though, every single time the guy told them to have a nice day. It wasn't ever a sarcastic or sad have a nice day either; it was always genuine. A little bit later, a van pulled up near him and the doors to let someone out. It turns out it was a very old lady who was struggling to get out of the van. In the process she dropped something and the guy went over to grab it for her. He then asked her if she would like whatever he was doing, she said no and started to walk toward the doors. The guy told her to have a nice day, but then seeing her having trouble walking offered to help her again. He went and got a scooter for her, leaving all of his stuff where it was to help her and make sure she was okay. She then drove back over to where his table thing was and signed up for whatever it was he was there for.
I know it may not seem like much but it was one of the sweetest things I've seen in a while. Especially since whoever was driving her just dropped her off and there were a lot of other people around, none who offered to help her. Yet here was this guy who was being repeatedly ignored or treated rudely who didn't even hesitate to help. Some people are truly amazing. I really wanted to go say something to him but I didn't even know what I would say.
Most people in today's world are quite selfish. Even if they don't think they are, or if they try not to be. It's hard not to be. Everyone is always looking out for themselves and making sure things are going well for themselves but rarely for others. I think people should try to be more like this guy. Don't be afraid to do something kind for a stranger and don't let the negativity from others get to you. Stay positive. Be happy.
I'm going to be honest, I haven't read the Bible. I plan on doing so but haven't yet. However, I wanted to write this blog entry and came across this verse. I absolutely love it. I'm sure I have heard it in church at some point but didn't remember it. I love random acts of kindness. I love being able to do them as well as being able to see them or hear about them. They make me so happy.
Yesterday, I was at Wal-Mart, waiting for the bus to go back to campus. There was a guy standing outside the doors with this little podium thing. He was either selling something or trying to get people to sign up for something, I'm not sure because he didn't say anything to me when I went by him. As I sat there waiting for the bus I could hear him asking people if they'd like whatever it was and almost everyone turned him down. Many people would either completely ignore him or were rude about saying no. It didn't matter though, every single time the guy told them to have a nice day. It wasn't ever a sarcastic or sad have a nice day either; it was always genuine. A little bit later, a van pulled up near him and the doors to let someone out. It turns out it was a very old lady who was struggling to get out of the van. In the process she dropped something and the guy went over to grab it for her. He then asked her if she would like whatever he was doing, she said no and started to walk toward the doors. The guy told her to have a nice day, but then seeing her having trouble walking offered to help her again. He went and got a scooter for her, leaving all of his stuff where it was to help her and make sure she was okay. She then drove back over to where his table thing was and signed up for whatever it was he was there for.
I know it may not seem like much but it was one of the sweetest things I've seen in a while. Especially since whoever was driving her just dropped her off and there were a lot of other people around, none who offered to help her. Yet here was this guy who was being repeatedly ignored or treated rudely who didn't even hesitate to help. Some people are truly amazing. I really wanted to go say something to him but I didn't even know what I would say.
Most people in today's world are quite selfish. Even if they don't think they are, or if they try not to be. It's hard not to be. Everyone is always looking out for themselves and making sure things are going well for themselves but rarely for others. I think people should try to be more like this guy. Don't be afraid to do something kind for a stranger and don't let the negativity from others get to you. Stay positive. Be happy.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Selfies
Narcissistic and entitled are two words used to describe the "millennial" generation. We spend so much time being concerned for ourselves. We're constantly updating social media with irrelevant facts about our lives, taking pictures of ourselves, and making sure we can get as many compliments as possible. We also believe that we deserve things just for trying, that good things should automatically happen to us as long as we try. ---- These are the things we talked about at church this week and then at house church.
I've heard these things before but never really listened. I didn't agree. Sure, there are many people like this but not me. Or so I thought. As we were talking about it though I began to realize I'm just as guilty of these things as anyone else. When I realized this I was instantly angry with myself. I didn't want to fall into that stereotype, I tried so hard not to, but even my Facebook profile picture is a "selfie". I also understand why we are called entitled now too. I definitely don't think I deserve everything but I do get upset when I try really hard at something and then it doesn't go my way. I often think that things will be fine if I try my hardest.
We talked in house church about this more in depth. I really do not like these characteristics about myself. I think that I think about other people more than myself most of the time. I'm constantly concerned for others but I'm going to try harder. I don't want to be narcissistic. I guess having a blog goes against this... I also do not want to feel entitled. That is going to be hard though. I grew up being told "it's okay as long as you tried your hardest" and getting participation awards. I am going to work on these. I believe we are a caring generation and that we are much more than these things.
-----
House church was great. I really love it. I love that I have the opportunity to go and make new friends and talk about God and Jesus. It's really starting to be my favorite part of the week.
Every week we go around the room and say our name, major, and then have to answer a question. This week, the question was "if you could spend an hour with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?" I was really nervous to answer this. I new my answer but I didn't know if I should say it. I thought about just saying Judy Garland because she's my favorite actress but I knew that wasn't my real answer. I ended up giving my real answer. I would spend it with my best friend who passed away last summer. I was nervous because I didn't want to get upset and start crying, I also didn't want to bring down the mood. I will talk about her death more at a later point but for now I will just tell you that I am still having a very rough time with it.
After we discussed our generation we broke up into small groups of 3-4 people. We each took a turn to talk about the struggles we are going through at this time. I didn't know where to begin. I've been having a rough couple of weeks. I've been sick, I've been having more pain than normal, I'm exhausted, and am not motivated to try with classes. Because of all this, I didn't really want to go to house church that night. We then prayed for each other. After that we all hung out and played games, it was a lot of fun and put me in a much better mood.
Heading back I realized how much happier I was than when I had been earlier that evening. I was in a really good mood and honestly was feeling better physically as well. I'm a very strong believer in prayer, I've seen it do some pretty amazing things and I've been the one being prayed for many times. I definitely need to start praying more often. I used to do it so much and kind of stopped. I'm not sure why but that is going to change immediately.
This house church, and church in general, is doing so many wonderful things in my life right now. I love it more and more each week. I only wish others could have the opportunity that I do to have this amount of positivity in their lives each week.
I've heard these things before but never really listened. I didn't agree. Sure, there are many people like this but not me. Or so I thought. As we were talking about it though I began to realize I'm just as guilty of these things as anyone else. When I realized this I was instantly angry with myself. I didn't want to fall into that stereotype, I tried so hard not to, but even my Facebook profile picture is a "selfie". I also understand why we are called entitled now too. I definitely don't think I deserve everything but I do get upset when I try really hard at something and then it doesn't go my way. I often think that things will be fine if I try my hardest.
We talked in house church about this more in depth. I really do not like these characteristics about myself. I think that I think about other people more than myself most of the time. I'm constantly concerned for others but I'm going to try harder. I don't want to be narcissistic. I guess having a blog goes against this... I also do not want to feel entitled. That is going to be hard though. I grew up being told "it's okay as long as you tried your hardest" and getting participation awards. I am going to work on these. I believe we are a caring generation and that we are much more than these things.
-----
House church was great. I really love it. I love that I have the opportunity to go and make new friends and talk about God and Jesus. It's really starting to be my favorite part of the week.
Every week we go around the room and say our name, major, and then have to answer a question. This week, the question was "if you could spend an hour with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?" I was really nervous to answer this. I new my answer but I didn't know if I should say it. I thought about just saying Judy Garland because she's my favorite actress but I knew that wasn't my real answer. I ended up giving my real answer. I would spend it with my best friend who passed away last summer. I was nervous because I didn't want to get upset and start crying, I also didn't want to bring down the mood. I will talk about her death more at a later point but for now I will just tell you that I am still having a very rough time with it.
After we discussed our generation we broke up into small groups of 3-4 people. We each took a turn to talk about the struggles we are going through at this time. I didn't know where to begin. I've been having a rough couple of weeks. I've been sick, I've been having more pain than normal, I'm exhausted, and am not motivated to try with classes. Because of all this, I didn't really want to go to house church that night. We then prayed for each other. After that we all hung out and played games, it was a lot of fun and put me in a much better mood.
Heading back I realized how much happier I was than when I had been earlier that evening. I was in a really good mood and honestly was feeling better physically as well. I'm a very strong believer in prayer, I've seen it do some pretty amazing things and I've been the one being prayed for many times. I definitely need to start praying more often. I used to do it so much and kind of stopped. I'm not sure why but that is going to change immediately.
This house church, and church in general, is doing so many wonderful things in my life right now. I love it more and more each week. I only wish others could have the opportunity that I do to have this amount of positivity in their lives each week.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Time Is A Renewable Resource
Hello! My name is Caitlin. This is my second blog on here. My other one I write about my life and random things. I wanted to start another one though, one where I could write only about church, God, and my journey to finding happiness.
I guess I should start with a back story, why I'm where I am today and how I got here. When I was ten months old I was diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy. I have heard from different doctors all my life that I have different types. I have Spinal Muscular Atrophy but I don't exactly fit into one of the four types. As a baby, I kept getting extremely ill. My parents were told I wouldn't live past two years old. Then they said four, then it was twelve. I spent most of my childhood in Riley Hospital. When I was seven I stopped getting that sick that often. I'm now twenty-two years old. It's a miracle that I am alive.
Growing up in a wheelchair hasn't always been the easiest. I would often get frustrated when I couldn't do something. It wasn't bad but every once in a while I would just get overwhelmed and then throw a fit. I can remember it happening while doing pointless things like playing with toys. I had a hard time playing "normally" because I needed help with so much. I would get so mad when I couldn't change a Barbie's clothes or build a bunch of stuff with Lego's, because I simply wasn't strong enough, that I would start crying and throw whatever toy I had. I remember my parents always coming over and just asking what clothes I wanted them to wear, or what Lego's I wanted pulled apart, and not saying anything about me throwing a fit. After finishing they would give me a big hug and then go back to whatever they were doing. Besides the frustration from the physical weakness, it also led to emotional and mental problems. In middle school and high school I drifted away from my friends because I didn't think I could hang out with them ever. Their houses weren't accessible and I didn't really like having them over to my house. Looking back on those years, I wish I would've tried harder. I was very lonely and started being depressed.
I was depressed for several years before I told anyone. It was very bad toward the end of high school and the beginning of college. I started making very poor choices. I'm not going to get into details on here right now. My sophmore year of college a few friends who lived in my hall knew about these things and were genuinely concerned for me. They were very supportive and helpful. Most of them are still my friends to this day. Without their constant love and support I would not be where I am today.
One of those friends invited me and some others to his church. He played drums for the band there every once in a while so we wanted to see him play. However, with everything going on I wanted to go for other reasons. A few of us went one Sunday in April and I remember sitting there nervous. I hadn't been to church in years, and my church back home was very different. Back home it's your typical little, white church, like you see in movies, with a bell tower and is in a tiny town. We sang hymns, someone played the piano, and most of the people, which was probably around 30 max, who went there were a lot older. This church was full of college student and there was a band. The pastor was quite young too. I remember him reading whatever passage he was discussing that week and not really paying attention. I just thought it was kind of confusing and boring. I thought I couldn't relate at all, but then he started explaining in a way I could actually understand. He tied it in with depression and talked about self confidence. I felt like someone had told him why I had been having a rough time and the real reasons I needed to go back to church. I couldn't believe what was going on; it felt like he was personally talking to me. Everything the pastor was saying I could relate to. All the negative stuff going on in my life was out there in the open, not that anyone but a few of the friends I went with knew that. And then he said that no matter how lonely you may feel God is always there, and that no matter how much you don't love yourself or you think others don't love you God does. I started bawling.
From that day on my life has been different. It took a while, the depression didn't just go away but it slowly started to get better. I continued going to that church and am still going. However, until this year, that's all I did. I wasn't involved in the church and didn't really know anyone there besides my friends from sophmore year. At the end of last year I decided that this year that was going to change. I missed the first two weeks of church but I saw people from there multiple times those first couple of weeks. During opening week a few of them were passing out snow cones and cards telling the time and location of the church. I went over with a friend, who knew a lot of them more than I did, to say hi and get a snow cone. I ended up helping pass out cards and hanging out there for almost three hours. That Sunday my aid came to get me up late so I missed church but I made it to the picnic they had after. I stayed and watched them play ultimate frisbee and then some of us went to get ice cream. I hadn't planned on going because I don't have a van here and I assumed they would drive over, but they all said they would walk with me so I could go too. I was so happy, not about the ice cream (okay a little bit about the ice cream) but that these people I had just met were willing to walk a pretty decent distance just so I could be included. The next week I went tailgating with the church and had a really good time too. I knew this was going to be a very good year.
Last week I went to house church for the first time. I had always heard about it but didn't think I could go because most houses aren't accessible and I don't have a way to get around. However, the same pastor I mentioned earlier said I was more than welcome to go to the one at his house and they would figure out a way to get me in. A bunch of guys ended up picking my chair up onto the porch so I could get in.We talked about Jonah, and again I had no idea how it would be related to me at the time. We started talking about turning away from God and how he'll be there when we decide to go back to him. We also talked about being desperate for God's love, and the point in our lives when we realize that's what we want. People were talking and giving some of their stories and I just kept thinking about all the stuff I was going through back when I first started going to that church. My friend, who I went to house church with brought up his brother who passed away last year which made me think of my best friend who passed away last summer. I started crying. It was an emotional night. A girl then told us, and I can't remember exactly what she said, basically how in other countries many people believe that time isn't limited, that time is a renewable resource. They believe that each day you get to start over. I really like this concept.
I went to house church again this week and had a great time again. I'm so glad to be getting involved more and to be making these new friends. It's really making a difference in my life I think. God is changing my life in so many ways and even though it may not always seem like things are going my way, I believe they happen for a reason. God has a plan for my life, I don't know what that is but I know he'll make it great. Believing this and knowing how much he loves me is changing how I see life and I'm honestly happier than I've ever been.
I guess I should start with a back story, why I'm where I am today and how I got here. When I was ten months old I was diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy. I have heard from different doctors all my life that I have different types. I have Spinal Muscular Atrophy but I don't exactly fit into one of the four types. As a baby, I kept getting extremely ill. My parents were told I wouldn't live past two years old. Then they said four, then it was twelve. I spent most of my childhood in Riley Hospital. When I was seven I stopped getting that sick that often. I'm now twenty-two years old. It's a miracle that I am alive.
Growing up in a wheelchair hasn't always been the easiest. I would often get frustrated when I couldn't do something. It wasn't bad but every once in a while I would just get overwhelmed and then throw a fit. I can remember it happening while doing pointless things like playing with toys. I had a hard time playing "normally" because I needed help with so much. I would get so mad when I couldn't change a Barbie's clothes or build a bunch of stuff with Lego's, because I simply wasn't strong enough, that I would start crying and throw whatever toy I had. I remember my parents always coming over and just asking what clothes I wanted them to wear, or what Lego's I wanted pulled apart, and not saying anything about me throwing a fit. After finishing they would give me a big hug and then go back to whatever they were doing. Besides the frustration from the physical weakness, it also led to emotional and mental problems. In middle school and high school I drifted away from my friends because I didn't think I could hang out with them ever. Their houses weren't accessible and I didn't really like having them over to my house. Looking back on those years, I wish I would've tried harder. I was very lonely and started being depressed.
I was depressed for several years before I told anyone. It was very bad toward the end of high school and the beginning of college. I started making very poor choices. I'm not going to get into details on here right now. My sophmore year of college a few friends who lived in my hall knew about these things and were genuinely concerned for me. They were very supportive and helpful. Most of them are still my friends to this day. Without their constant love and support I would not be where I am today.
One of those friends invited me and some others to his church. He played drums for the band there every once in a while so we wanted to see him play. However, with everything going on I wanted to go for other reasons. A few of us went one Sunday in April and I remember sitting there nervous. I hadn't been to church in years, and my church back home was very different. Back home it's your typical little, white church, like you see in movies, with a bell tower and is in a tiny town. We sang hymns, someone played the piano, and most of the people, which was probably around 30 max, who went there were a lot older. This church was full of college student and there was a band. The pastor was quite young too. I remember him reading whatever passage he was discussing that week and not really paying attention. I just thought it was kind of confusing and boring. I thought I couldn't relate at all, but then he started explaining in a way I could actually understand. He tied it in with depression and talked about self confidence. I felt like someone had told him why I had been having a rough time and the real reasons I needed to go back to church. I couldn't believe what was going on; it felt like he was personally talking to me. Everything the pastor was saying I could relate to. All the negative stuff going on in my life was out there in the open, not that anyone but a few of the friends I went with knew that. And then he said that no matter how lonely you may feel God is always there, and that no matter how much you don't love yourself or you think others don't love you God does. I started bawling.
From that day on my life has been different. It took a while, the depression didn't just go away but it slowly started to get better. I continued going to that church and am still going. However, until this year, that's all I did. I wasn't involved in the church and didn't really know anyone there besides my friends from sophmore year. At the end of last year I decided that this year that was going to change. I missed the first two weeks of church but I saw people from there multiple times those first couple of weeks. During opening week a few of them were passing out snow cones and cards telling the time and location of the church. I went over with a friend, who knew a lot of them more than I did, to say hi and get a snow cone. I ended up helping pass out cards and hanging out there for almost three hours. That Sunday my aid came to get me up late so I missed church but I made it to the picnic they had after. I stayed and watched them play ultimate frisbee and then some of us went to get ice cream. I hadn't planned on going because I don't have a van here and I assumed they would drive over, but they all said they would walk with me so I could go too. I was so happy, not about the ice cream (okay a little bit about the ice cream) but that these people I had just met were willing to walk a pretty decent distance just so I could be included. The next week I went tailgating with the church and had a really good time too. I knew this was going to be a very good year.
Last week I went to house church for the first time. I had always heard about it but didn't think I could go because most houses aren't accessible and I don't have a way to get around. However, the same pastor I mentioned earlier said I was more than welcome to go to the one at his house and they would figure out a way to get me in. A bunch of guys ended up picking my chair up onto the porch so I could get in.We talked about Jonah, and again I had no idea how it would be related to me at the time. We started talking about turning away from God and how he'll be there when we decide to go back to him. We also talked about being desperate for God's love, and the point in our lives when we realize that's what we want. People were talking and giving some of their stories and I just kept thinking about all the stuff I was going through back when I first started going to that church. My friend, who I went to house church with brought up his brother who passed away last year which made me think of my best friend who passed away last summer. I started crying. It was an emotional night. A girl then told us, and I can't remember exactly what she said, basically how in other countries many people believe that time isn't limited, that time is a renewable resource. They believe that each day you get to start over. I really like this concept.
I went to house church again this week and had a great time again. I'm so glad to be getting involved more and to be making these new friends. It's really making a difference in my life I think. God is changing my life in so many ways and even though it may not always seem like things are going my way, I believe they happen for a reason. God has a plan for my life, I don't know what that is but I know he'll make it great. Believing this and knowing how much he loves me is changing how I see life and I'm honestly happier than I've ever been.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)